a fALLen sOuL

2007-04-26T19:43:00.000+08:00

..................................................i have been having a serious problem..........................
..................................................i no body understands wat im trying to do............................
..................................................i have a request for you................................................
...................................................juz come and take a walk with me...................................
...................................................i need you to see wat i see............................................
...................................................understand how i feel...........................................
...................................................so juzcome and take a walk with me..

2007-04-18T21:20:00.000+08:00

My palms started to sweat in the hall as we all awaited for the results. my hands became sticky anf i just hated it.i looked up looking if the judges were in sight and there tey were. the seven judges.all from america japan and 1 aloha guy. My hands quaked, my heart was like a bird tryiyng to break out of the cage. " band 131, bronze. band 132......" it seemed as if took forever. band 133...................................134....................................135....................................................136....................................137...........................................then it came.i held my hands together tightly in hope for the best."Band 138........,' everything went to slow mo, like a chapter in matrix. "marsil;ing secondary school.........."the bird became more vigorous in the cage."......................................................GOLD!!"

2007-04-11T19:34:00.000+08:00

lots of things happened this past few weeks.
first of all i'd like to announce that i have joined the SWS. Cool huh.the pieces they play there are damn hard.but not that hard. u noe wat i mean rite?anyway my first practice i saw my senior there. she scolded me for coming. she was too worried for the syf.so i guess i wont be coming the next week.oh yah sws will be having a concert in june. And id have to sight read all of them in time to get them right.i think ill make it. next OMM will be having a concert in july.yup concerts two months in a row.wats next? another CONCERT!!but this ones in APRILL.21st april. silat. Ill be playing the guitar.BUt priority no.1 would be the SYF!! and my mid yr exam!!!syf is just next WEEK!! OH MY GOSH!!somehow i cant wait.this is the moment man.2yrs. 4 months of intensive practice.2 weeks of everyday practice at least 4 hrs a day. I think im ready. the question is .ARE WE READY? hopefully we'll getr GOLD WITH HOUNOURS.WE have to get it. its a must. we have to maintain it. But someone told me ,its not the destination that matters,its the journey......

what is band?

2007-04-06T21:05:00.000+08:00

Band is... Making music with a family of lifelong friends
Understanding how commitment and dedication lead to success
Sharing the joy and rewards of working together
Individuals who develop self confidence
Creativity-expressing yourself in a universal language
Band is MUSIC!!
strike up the band,
Tim lautzenheiser

2007-03-31T19:52:00.000+08:00

No one else Will help us to get through

So by ourselves We'll know just what to do

We are connected, We'll never be alone

We walk together, Forever down that road

COME ON BAND!!!

2007-03-25T16:11:00.001+08:00

YES ARH!!
finally i can use my old blog
phew im reliefed i tot i was nvr gonna use my old blog again

k
syf is coming and i am really hyped up.really.juz cant wait to et that medal and juz focus on my studies after that.alot of hwk to take care of right now but i dun wanna do it. (lazy)k to my frienz there.PLS!! PLS!! PLS!!link me. thx

2006-12-11T23:29:00.000+08:00

lond time nvr post.
so i post kl lah busy i lazy to post sry

2006-12-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

k, this one for yesterday. my com spoil seh. i using my other com.
any way. yesterdae wake up. normal thing lah. 6.30 when i goin out then my sister go sae 2 dae where got band. scare me u noe. then i go call ppl like nobody ans. then i juz go band. luckily got. anyway. band dat dae was boring seh. i play play like nth. learn nth. juz play. then after that go eat wif them. then after that go aaron house and blah blah

so now tok abt 2dae. well. generally nth . but for one whole dae i stress. tmr goin kl. sumore not feeling welll. feell like goin to puke like dat. i dun get. the other band are so looking forward to this trip. they dun even seem ready. i dun tink im ready even though i practiced. arGH!!! even the leaders are like that. i actually prayed that the trip would be delayed. wats more after thekl trip i hav to start studying for my o levels. ARGH!!! wat fuck seh.

anyways. hopefuly everything goes well there.

2006-12-05T00:05:00.000+08:00

haix.wat F**k seh!! oklah 2dae come late in overslept. sleep at 3 then nvr hear alarn clock.
then sectional combine. bassoon combine with bass clarinet and bass saxophone. eh wait. correct rite? nvm. anyway. sectional with them like ok lah. but the problem is they dun wan listen to me. for someparts lah. when i sae something like reaally cannot fite wan ah than karwah for sure like aiyah watever lah. u tink u so gd arh? wat the hell i listen to them they nvr listen to me. sae abit like wan to go against me.wat f**K MAN!!

my view on these combine sectionals rite is so that we can listen to each other. lika oh u got these part so i should lower down. or teach them wat we noe and let them teach u wat they noe. these will increase our tightness in musicality. tighten the lose ends. this one like f**K SAE!!

then wat later combine practice i kena for nothing. the saxaphones nvr follow mrs chua tempo then like me anf farid kena for nothinG!!

i hateb the saxaphones man. like wif this kind of atttude they for sure wun improve one lorh. niot only the saxaphones. got alot more ppl like that sec three and sec two the same.then they are goin to bring down the band. SHITTY MAN!!

then later i go out with they all go buy the suveniours for SK BAND. we got lepak here and there lah. but i lepakm wif them arh the whole day i stress sae. but i nvr show lah. i juz relak onli. at least i tried to lah. i wanted to stay back in school and practise sumore lah but no one stayed bak so i dun wan lah. any way its juz gonna make me more stress.

later that day me and aaron wanted to go bowling but i decided not to go last minit. too tired sunore late sumore i got silat training at night so dun wan go.

then silat training not that much too sae lah.except that i can see that i improved but slacked in silat. hahax. i nvr had any problems in silat. i nvr streess abt anything in silat. i dun regret joining silat man. not one bit. then later after silat training still quite early lah. abt 10 15 like that. usually we get dismissed like 10 45. so me hana salihin zul and zainol decided to go lepak unfder the block.we go buy big gulp first lha. hen go lepak. we got bring guitar oso. wah lepak wif really very relaxing seh. play guiitar sumore. lepak ubtill. 11 30 like that wah feel relaxed man. after a dae of stress then juz gone like that. hahax.

actually i stress bcuz i wan to find a way how to make them listen to me. well at least. most of it was juz thinking abt hate lah. like walao like dat oso dun wan listen to me seh. they think i stupid or wat.i am better musically man. come mon.then after dat juz thought of finding a way to make them listen to me. oh shit late oredi. 2dae cannot sleep at three again.got band tmr or else late again.i slept at three for three days oredi. nice three three hahax. anyway gott sleep...if i can.........

chaos in BAND!!

2006-12-03T20:44:00.000+08:00

yo i post again. wat sae.i've been hearing problems abt muzzaffa and mam siek mee and mam amalina. i've heard that they've een fighting. trying to show hu is better.hmm... i dun really noe much abt this. i've heaard that muzap and mam amalina have been rivals for a long time rite? then mam amalina juz poisoned mam siek mee mind then turn against muzap. i dunno. its wat i heard. watever it is i think that we should always respect the seniors nomatter wat. u noe . listen to them even though u think its wrong. no matter wat the seniors are right. respect your position. dun go against those hu r higher in ranking. if u think that it is really wrong juz tel. if it doesnt work tell miss ong or mr tan they all.

they sae we should tell miss ong abt this. i think we shoul juz let the case unweave itself. we dunno wat is their reason for these. ppl got their own story to support. listen to their stories first before we make any moves. wat if was juz a misunderstanding.

well juz hope the case would be solved . well i have my own story against muzap. almost everyon in the band is against muzap and i dunno y. i have my own reason but i got over it.

i pity khai
he got into this mess and juzn dunno wat to do.
i dun even think he noes wat is actually goin on.

for the sake of band i nid to stand up and help solve this problem. my upportunity. my stand. but i dun think i can do it. this is juz plain me. u noe. i respect my position in band and nvr before have i gotten out of line. but i cant help it. i juz wan to make a difference. make a stand. u noe. point out my views.

anyway.the kl trip. hu is goin to be in charge. i heard muzap is goin to be in charge ,. but thats not fair. siek mee should be in charge. last yr was sir azam and sir ahmad rite? so these yr should be amalina and siek mee.

toking about unfair muzap i think in the first place doesnt even deserve to be the leader in the first place bcuz askldhfqo'WALAO!! dun wan sae lah. like wat seh. my heart starting to beat very fast seh. cannot tAHAHN !!!LDJHIU&#E_!@E !U(@HN YD{@N!(&ZYN)UD !&*( &U!D(UH!O#@

2006-12-03T20:33:00.000+08:00

ok so 2 dae wake up early. sleep at 3am but wake up at 7.
i nth to do i go look at other ppl blog then keep linking them hax.
then at 12 like that aaron call me to go to movies with idris and zaid.
2dae i short of money seh. onli can afford one movie ticket and one mac meal then i muz go home cannot spend anymore,
the movie funny u noe. i forgot the title. i think it was open season. forgot. i like the ending. damn hilarious. i like the part where the squirrel knok down the men with a fork.
then we go mcdonalds go eat. sit there for one whole hour then go.
we got talk about things lah.
then go home. sir azam was there. he buy for me game seh. but i worry for his money. then he lend me his amp and tuner. the tuner cost abt 100 dolars u noe. but he sae he nvr use anymore. he got one more easier to use. so dats it.

2006-12-03T01:08:00.000+08:00

boring seh i post again. hahax

2006-12-03T00:48:00.000+08:00

hey 2dae i riting late at night cuz i came home late from a ska concert. convcert. not gig this time.i like staying up late. i love the night. its like a time to rethink the day. a time to plan urself for tmr. so peaceful. wats more u get a lot of privacy.

ok so 2dae i went to the photoshop workshop. only took thirty minits. 12.30 ended. me and my sister supposed to meet azam at orchard at 300. we got alot of time so we lepak here and there. then at 3 met azam at his workplace but he still working. the other guy late s he has to stay a biyt. longer. we waited for one hour. then the guy come. u noe wat was his reason for being late? he said someone go commit suicide at mrt. dunno wether true or nort. then we go lepak then go eat then lepak again all the way to 6.30. we reach the esplanade.

i was surprised to see sufi there!! i didnt noe he was a ska punk. but then he had to go home early . he went before the concert even started. comic strip was the ska and that was performing there. i've known them for abt two yrs oredi. i wish i could be like them. i wanna make my own ska bad perform at gigs. then one day get to perform at esplanade juz like them. maybe someday.

the performance was gret man. then we go lepak again. at the mall with other ppl lah. shafiiq like wat seh. he lepak really like lepak. he go play prankon other ppl. funny sia that guy.

then we go bak at 10 to the esplanade for the 2nd set of performance from comic strip. this time it was much better. then we go home.

the whole day i see my azam and my sister like jealous seh. now i oso wan relationship wif ppl. now dat i have mentioned it. i havent tot of any gerl yet. hmm. maybe one day. i thinking of one gerl rite now but dun wan tell. now im gonna go play my guitar up to abt 3am i guess . late seh. but i like it.

2006-12-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

kaes . 2dae got band. iwak up at 6.30. band start at 800. i juz didnt wan to be late again lah/
2dae band haniz cry
still dunno y?
she sae she stress. i think its abt the syf.
its her first syf.so muz be really stressful. i still remember my first syf. they keep complaining i nvr improve despite my effort. then i sacrifice all of my studies lah. i worked so hard. i stayed up late up at night. my neighbours all started complaining. bu t i juz continued.i practised everydae everynight ten months before the syf. very sian. then get gold with honours . so happy. but then after that they complain i nvr really deserved it. wat the F**K!!! it insulted me u noe. its like not gaining anything from wat u worked so hard for. it feels like ur pride not there u noe. its like u make sandwhich. u put the butter. then the patty. then put egg cheese everything. then u turn aroung to pour some orange juice. then when u wan to eat the sandwhich is GONE!! dats how it feels. i could have juz forget abt the syf not practise for it. work hard for my studies. u see lah. i could have made it to the best class but bcuz of band. aiyoh. i like stress like f**K SEH!!
wel at least get what i wanted. gold with honours.without the pride.

for haniz case. this is hgonna be ur first and only syf. make it UR BEST!!! woohoo!!
this goes the same for the rest of the sec twos.aim for gol with honours.

then you rong cry. she sae she oso stress. let me juz sae its normal. everyone cries from stress but this time the stress is more. we ARE AIMING FOR A GOLD WITH HONOURS!!!its normal. come on. be happy. relax. take it as a learning journey.

the i go train the nazrul the juniour. its been a long time since i havent trained a juniour like him.
farid is juz too good.
but still im better than him. hahax
anyways his juniour still has a lot to learn. juz one basic thing i want him to remember . rela when playing. follow the score exactly wat it sae. bounce all of ur low notes. and try not to rush.

so later play soccer. play soccer up to 8 plus. then got tired. wat pissed me off that day was nazrul. he come he kick the ball out dun wan to take the ball for us .wat seh!! then huiying like need to go home he like drag sumore. but the gd thimng is. dats it !!

hey. i think i changed again. my personality. firstly when i came to this school i was like shy like that.then i become like the lame guy like that. than i become like depressed guy. than emo.then depressed. then now i think i have become more confident and stronger.WOW!!
and now im not afraid too shout out my feelings anymore. last time i nvr even talk abt my feelings. i keep keeping them inside untill become like depressed emo guy. then too much oredi i cry. icried during band. then i juz breakdown lah. then cannot take it i juz told them my feelings. now im stronger. confident and not afraid to tell how i feel.i feelm more courages

2006-11-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

2dae. wake up late
feel vary tired so i sleep again.
i wake up still 8 oclock like that
i sleep again
then i wake up like 8 15 like that then i juz wake up arh
later that evening walter ccall me
i nvr pick cuz i was bathing
i called him back two times but he nvr ans
make me angry
luckily i holy man(LIKE REAL)
then i message him.
three hours later he reply.
he sae they playing soccer rite now.
too late oredi.
i angry.
i dun wan go cuz so late oredi.
then on msn i tok to huiying abt well me and band the leaders and nazrul.
calmed me down.
but i think i did all the talking
the band is slacking.
im trying my best to keep the tradition in band and i dun hate nazrul ijuz dun like him the way i used too.
well thats the summarry of the grandmother story of wat i told huiying
then we even talked abt wether the ppl disrespect me or hate or juz think im weird?
it set me thinking
i onli tot they hated me
i dunno
do they think im weird?
if they think im weird bcuz of my marching then too juz let them noe the standard was much more better last time
now we are juz USED TOO be gd in our marching
we used to be united
we used to be ONE big happpy family.
now we are juz a band....

last time our band was so unique in our own way
u cant find in any other band
one band one sound was our motto
haix

im trying to make the band better
how can i without any authorities.
i mean u see someone do rong
u wan to correct him
but u juz cant
he is in another section and we dun have the authority

haix.
if only i had some power
some support will do
to make a difference in band

do sumthing that would make the band look up on me
but wat??
pls help me?
wat can i do?????

2006-11-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

haix 2dae boring sae
band end at eight then go play bb and soccer like very the late. i've been trying to tell khairuddin sumting but he juz wun listen
he talks more than he listens
its sumthing abt the band. man. juz wish there was a way to get his attention at the right time.
maybe i can tell nazrul. but dunno. juz cant trust him. wats more i think he doesnt even care. wats more to me he is like not serious. even when he is serious he is juz acting u noe.
dats how i feel. no offence. wats more he doenst care abt me one. like got one when i so angry then juz throw temper then i started crying u noe. he nvr come and pamper me. other ppl come not him. he run away. got a lot more lah but dun wan sae. anyways i got sumthing to tell and its abt the band. hopefully u guys read this and come ask me wat i have to sae.

2006-11-28T19:54:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since i had real fun without faking any smiles. i feel much better now. but i still i have one thing to get out of my chest. its the leaders. ya i can see them making alot of effort but i see the qm as the one hu is bringing the band down. i8 always see him happy go lucky. wats more i think he is starting to take advantage of ihis position and acting very big like that. and i see all the sec ones influenced by him. really juz think abt it. during band i dun see him practicing even in his free time. he should follw like sir azam or sir ahmad.when they have free time they go to different section to train them. i still remember that azam was the first one to come to me and help train me to become a better player. he passed everything down to me. im like a sole bible.the marching the playing in band and the discipline in band though i am sometimes late. i think i should go to different section and help the different section or even train all of them playing. i can teach them all that azam thought me like how i thought my junior farid..see how gd he is today.but i juz wish i have the authority to do it. i miss the two seniors.they are like the double a's bm and dm.i've been trying to et azam to come back but he is too busy and has the ong phoebia ever since the hair incident. ask him abt it. i need these these two to pass down all their knowledge to them even the qm.its not that im goin against them they juz nid help and abt the previous testi in dun really care anymore ive moved on . as long as aaron sae i should have been the drum major im happy oredi.

2006-11-27T22:34:00.001+08:00

no one understands me. I have been keping this to myself for too long already. i used to be happy in band but now i regret juz joining band in the first place.no one has appreciated what i have done for the band. i sacrificed my studies juz for the syf and how dare they tell me i dun deserve it.and whats more how come munazrul can become the quarter master when he was nvr commited in band in the first place.im much more better in terms of studies music and marching.how come i get nothing ?i was much more commited in band than him.whats more khai got to be band major juz bcoz he gave up bcoz he didnt work hard enogh. u noe the story. how come i nvr get the things i have ever dreamed of when i worked so hard for it.i stayed up late at night juz to practise for the syf EVERYDAE TEN MONTHS BEFORE THE SYF EVEN BEGAN!!and wats more i am very busy everyday .i got silat on mondays and malay orkestra on wednesday and saturday. and guess what .band practises are on these three days.i spend the other four days practising my bassoon and studies while i see the others juz having fun outside like nothings happening?they take everything i have dreamed for for years and they juz take it away.the only things that im gd at wasted to thin air.i juz regret joining band. everything that i worked for is wasted.